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Outline of Typical
Wedding Ceremony
This outline contains
elements that can be part of your
wedding ceremony. Most important, your ceremony should
accurately reflect your values, beliefs, and intentions for your
life together. You should be totally comfortable with every aspect
of your ceremony, or it's not your ceremony.
Processional
The minister, groom
and his men are waiting as the bridal party comes to join them.
Officiant then ask the one escorting the bride:
Who presents
_______________to be married to _______________?
Not everyone
wants this question asked. If this is your first marriage, and you
want a traditional ceremony, this question is appropriate.
Words of Welcome
Officiant begins by welcoming everyone and
putting what is to follow in context. If the ceremony is interfaith
(Christian - Jewish, for example), care is given to making an opening
statement that is inclusive of both traditions and acknowledges the
One God from whom we all come. This welcome sets the tone for what
follows.
If you have family or
other loved ones who are not able to be present because of illness
or distance, Officiant can welcome them among the gathering in
Spirit. Though absent they are still part of the circle of love that
surrounds you.
Brief Remarks
This is where
Officiant speaks for a few minutes about marriage and the deeper
meaning it contains. The inspiration for the actual words comes from
conversations with bride and groom. Some themes are: the importance
of friendship, love and commitment; marriage as a spiritual practice
and means of growth; the relationship between keeping your own
identity and individuality as you enter this most intimate of
relationships, and so on. These remarks are addressed not only to
you, but also as a reminder to those gathered with you. This takes 2
- 7 minutes.
Expressions From The
Gathering (Optional)
Some couples really
like this because it is a way of involving those who have come to
celebrate this day with them. Officiant offers the opportunity to
your guests to share some words from their heart about how they feel
as they see you taking this step together. This takes the ritual
into a deeper place as your friends and family share their joy on
this occasion.
Sometimes it's useful to let some people know in advance that this
is part of the ceremony so they can be prepared. Others will be
inspired in the moment. This should not go on too long. It can be
memorable because these rituals involve the participation of those
who know and love you...your support community, who have stood with
you and witnessed the development of your love for each other. Some
couples are clear that they don't want to give these people a
chance to talk, so whatever you choose is right for you. If there is
a soloist or special music or something in particular you want read,
this would be a good place to insert it.
Question Of Intent
This is the question,
asked of you both, which signifies your intention to be married. The
groom answers first. The question as officiant might phrase it:
________
do you choose ________ to be
your wife (husband), companion and friend, and do you promise to
love her (him), respect her (him) and accept her (him) as your equal
through all of the changing circumstances of your life together? If
so, say, "I do."
This question may be
phrased in other ways if you wish. This is just one example.
The Blessing of The
Gathering
Do all of you give
your blessing to this marriage? If so, say, "We do!"
The Rings
If not done before
ceremony begins, officiant asks for the rings and speaks briefly
about their significance and what they represent. Officiant gives
the groom the ring he will give the bride, and her the ring she will
give him.
The Vows
The vows are the high
point of the ceremony. Everything builds to this. Some couples
choose to write their own vows which they will read or say from
memory. Others want to say their own words trusting what's in their
heart at that moment and don't want to read or memorize anything.
(Brave souls!) Others may repeat after me the traditional vows:
I _____________ take you _____________ to be my wedded (wife,
husband), to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for
worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; in joy and
in sorrow; to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. I
give you this ring as a sign of my promise.
However you choose to do it, it's the moment when you are asked
to really be there with each other. Forget that there are people
watching and take those moments to see this person standing there
with you, and to feel the love you have for each other, and out of
that connection, say your vows. Even if no one can hear you, they
will feel what you are communicating to each other.
Vows of The Community
(Optional)
This is where
Officiant invites those gathered with you to support you as you grow
in your marriage.
Prayer of Blessing
Officiant or family
member may offer a prayer of blessing for you as a newly married
couple.
Declaration of
Marriage
Officiant announces
that you are now husband and wife and invite you to embrace and
kiss.
The Presentation
Officiant presents you
as Mr. and Mrs. __________ or as (however you'd like to be
introduced.)
The Recessional
You walk out together,
followed by the rest of the wedding party.
Other elements (unity candle, special music, ritual of inclusion for
children, etc.) may be inserted in the ceremony where appropriate.
This is merely an outline of the flow of a typical ceremony.
Thoughts from
Christina Brittain:
My experience is that
many couples will spend a great deal of time finding the right place
for their ceremony, selecting the food for the reception, the
dresses for the bridal party, the flowers, and a photographer to
capture it all, and not really give that much thought to the
ceremony itself.
Part of the reason for
this is that many who are getting married today are not deeply
grounded in any spiritual tradition and simply don't know where to
begin.
The ceremony itself
should really be the centerpiece of the wedding and couples would do
well to interview a number of officiants to find one with whom they
feel comfortable and compatible, and who can assist them in creating
a ceremony that has meaning for them.
May your wedding day
and your life together be blessed with wellness and joy! |